Getting Off of the Fence

I am attempting to get off of the fence about Courtship versus Dating.  At this point in my life, I lack some socializing skills with guys.  I can't learn them unless I am around men.  Cloud pushes dating but not in the super charged set apart for marriage sort of way.  His approach to dating is a process to get to know guys and ultimately yourself.  He advocates that we clear up our internal dynamics that are keeping us from dating and getting to know guys in a healthy and respectable manner.

Lovers' Lock Fence ~ Paris, France

I agree with this approach to dating, but on the other hand, I have seen and heard testimonies of women who waited without dating around so much and finally found the one God had for them later in life(late 30s) or even being content to serve God in their singleness.  God's timing is the best timing.  As for dating with no strings attached, for me that is hard for my mind to wrap around because I am a very emotional person and can become attached very quickly.  I don't want to invest improper emotions in a relationship.  I guess that all comes with learning how to socialize and communicate with guys.  As I get more comfortable and pick up my patterns, I can step back and analyze the situation better.

With this approach, it sounds like emotional investment in someone you don't marry is paid back in personal growth with interaction and learning of specific characteristics you want in a guy.  This part, keeps me close to that fence.  I don't want several men out in the world to know the very intimate details of my life.  That is reserved for my future husband.  Emotional purity versus emotional investment with the return being growth as a person and as a Christian is my quandary.

I can't really judge as to whether one is more right.  I do know that if I am following God and staying close to Him, I can't fail.  He will give me a sense of peace about whether or not to "date" or to just enjoy the journey.  I do know God won't send him to my doorstep, so I must be willing to interact and fellowship with guys and learn how I tick around them or I won't be prepared to be married to one.

As my Grandma always said, "Don't go solving a problem with a problem."

Still Riding the Fence...

According to Dr. Henry Cloud, being dateless in college is a sign of an major internal dynamic that can hold you back.  So in other words, college is where the dating dynamics are at its best and if you're not dating there is something wrong with you.

I was taken aback by this statement.  I had my circle of friends and didn't need much more.  School and work were all that I could handle and I was content for the most part.

I don't think anything is "wrong" with me, per se.  I am just a late bloomer and am beginning to realize that I must learn how to interact with guys properly without sending off this unaproachable or desperate vibe.

I do agree with opening up my circle of friends or changing my "traffic pattern" as Cloud puts it.  On the other hand, I am trying to establish my walk with God and be content in Him alone without trying to fill voids with other things such as friends or a relationship.

I recently ran across I Corinthians 7:34-35 which says, "...The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit...And this I speak for your own profit; not that I may cast a snare upon you, but for that which is comely, and that ye may attend upon the Lord without distraction." (Emphasis added)

This verse stopped me in my tracks several weeks ago.  Paul is telling us that the single woman cares for the things of God.  She doesn't have another person to please, no one to answer to, no one to run schedules by.  The single woman has the freedom to do what she wants when she wants, no strings attached.

As a single Christian woman, my job right now is to care for the things of God in order to be holy [set apart for a particular use] in body and spirit.  That is no small task. I have been working on my body for the last five years, and sad to say my motive wasn't holiness.  My spirit needs a major lift right now as well. 

God has been gently calling me to himself, and I want to be able to "attend upon" or serve him without distraction.  Distractions come in all shapes and sizes and can be easily replaced by other things.  Distraction-free service to God is difficult, but by his grace it can be done if we let him.