Not Perfect

BLOG.  There it still stares at me in bold letters.  It is a large part of my dream board, but evidently it hasn't ranked high on the priority list.  The rest of my aspirations illustrated in my board have also taken a backseat to the mundane tasks of everyday life.  The passion, the spark, the zeal to see them accomplished has waned as the year progresses to it's halfway point.  The spirit of a new year has worn off, and the patterns of existence have made their impressions.  Well it's time to WAKE UP!

It is time for me to put my "big girl" pants on and DO something starting with a blog post.  Now what am I to do?  What do I want?  I want to be happy doing something that I love.

I love and hate to write.  I love writing and posting on my blog.  I enjoy the creative process of putting my thoughts and feelings into words.  I used to write in journals and need to get back to that practice.  What I hate about writing is my perfectionist tendency rears its ugly head as I try to compose the perfect post or deliver my message in such a specific way that it can sap the joy right out of it.  I also have noticed that many of my posts have good advice in them, but I currently don't apply much of that advice in my own life.  I want to post more on my blog, but I want to apply and live what I post.  So rather than post my thoughts and ideas that I don't apply to my life.  I avoid writing and posting altogether.  My original purpose for my blog got lost within the first few posts.  It became an online journal of sorts of thoughts and lessons that I now realize that I should apply to my life.

My renewed purpose for my blog is to chronicle my journey to health and wellness.  I have shared my story and want to actually put my advice into practice.  I battle with fear and want to replace it with faith and love.  I want to build positive consistency in my day to day interactions and routines rather than drifting without direction to an unknown destination.

My first and major goal is my -100 pound party.  I have been trying to reach this goal since 20011 at least.  It is now 2016.  I have come withing 4 to 5 pounds of this goal, yet my scale has never read 140 pounds.

UGH...the struggle is real.  I am trying not to post what I am going to do (because I know full well that it is very unlikely that I will do it.)  I want to post what I actually do to reach my -100 pound party.  

So here goes, today started well with an awesome Wildberry Herbalife shake.  It ended with me over indulging in the ingredients of healthy desserts that I made from over ripened bananas. I did swim and enjoy fellowship with friends as well.    

I need to believe that I will get there and just do it.  

Worthy of Love

"Worthy"--to be deserving of effort or respect. "Love"--a deep and tender affection. Worthy of love--to be deserving of deep and tender affection. My name "Amanda" means "worthy of love," yet I feel as if I have tried to earn love and the admiration and praise of others. I was always focused on helping others to get from them what I thought I needed rather than giving with no expectations in return.

Today I felt like I am finally worth it. I "know" that I am, but for some reason, I doubted. I "know" God loves me so much so He sent His son to die for me. For ME. That is where the "worthy" part gets me. Who am I to be worthy of such a sacrificial love? I am just little ol' me trying to please God. I don't feel deserving of His love, therefore I try to earn it. Therein lies the problem. I don't deserve God's love on my own. I am never going to be able to earn His love. God makes me "worthy of love" through the gift of His Son, Jesus Christ. Because of Christ, I am able to know love and experience His love for me. I in turn am given the opportunity to share that love with others.

For some reason I have felt like I have been running away from that love and trying to offer my version of love. I am tired of running and exhausted from seeking approval. God freely gives me His love and shows me that I am worthy on a daily basis. It is time for me to believe it. Today, right now, I believe that I am worthy of love. God is love, and I want to share His love with others.

"Beloved, let us love one another: for love is of God; and every one that loveth is born of God, and knoweth God. He that loveth not knoweth not God; for God is love."
~I John 4:7, 8

Heartblown!

Within a day or two of my previous post, God expanded my understanding even more on the matter of transformation for the believer.  God showed me that the soul is made up of three parts as well; our mind, will, and emotions.  Our mind produces thoughts, our will produces choices, and our emotions produce feelings.  Our mind has been deceived by this sin-ridden world, our will has become rebellious, and our emotions become controlling.  At salvation, our spirit becomes alive and the Holy Spirit indwells us.  We become new.  Our thoughts, choices, and feelings want to change.  The Holy Spirit desires to work through our soul to bring fruit to the body.  The spirit and fruit of the body is God's part.  Our part is to renew our minds and surrender our will and emotions.  We have to make those changes and allow God to rewire our thinking to please Him and glorify Him.  WOW!  What an incredible concept.  It is amazing how everything works together for a purpose.  I am thankful for the love He has shown us just so we can know Him.  I am so excited learn more, and ready for God to reveal what I need to change next.  It won't be easy, but it will be worth it.

 For the Glory of God,

Laborers of the Harvest

Labor (noun)
1. a. Physical or mental exertion, especially when difficult or exhausting; work.
    b. Something produced by work.
2. A specific task.
3. A particular form of work or method of working: manual labor.
4. Work for wages.

Labor (verb)
1. To work; toil: labored in the fields.
2. To strive painstakingly: labored over the needlepoint.
3.a. To proceed with great effort; plod: labored up the hill.
   b. Nautical To pitch and roll.
4. To suffer from distress or a disadvantage.

God has given me my new Harvest of Kiddos, and I now know what it means to be a laborer. Labor is hard work, exhausting, painful at times, but ultimately rewarding.  My kiddos are a tough group, but I love them.  I am laboring in nearly all of the sense of the word for the glory of God.  I hope and pray that I am sending that message.  I will come up with some daily measureable goals such as reading my Bible each day before work. Journaling and praying daily.  Prayer can happen anywhere; I can pray on my way to work as long as I don't close my eyes while driving.  I can seek God in the moment rather than asking forgiveness after acting in the flesh.

Today in fact, I had to calm myself down with my own advice that I had given to a student earlier this morning.  I was getting emotional over something very little and insignificant in the big grand scheme of things.  God has called me to labor specifically with kids, but as a disciple, I am called to make disciples unto Christ.  Because labor is exhausting, hard, painful, physically and mentally demanding; I don't think many people want to be laborers. 

 Jesus states, "But when he saw the multitudes, he was moved with compassion on them, because they fainted, and were scattered abroad, as sheep having no shepherd. Then saith he unto his disciples, The harvest truly is plenteous, but the labourers are few; Pray ye therefore the Lord of the harvest, that he will send forth labourers into his harvest." (Matthew 9:36-38, emphasis added).

The laborers are few 
Few. As in not very many.  A little.  There are few people that want to labor for much of anything.  Of that few, there aren't many that want to labor for Christ by bringing lost souls to a saving knowledge of Christ and a transformed life as a disciple of Christ.

Pray ye therefore...

We can pray for laborers.  We can pray for each other and hold each other accountable as laborers for Christ.  I seek to be a laborer in the harvest for eternity's sake.  As of right now, God has given me a ripe harvest of kiddos with hearts that are breaking with the desire to be loved and understood.  I pray I can be the laborer to till the hearts of these kiddos and plant some positive seeds of love, Christ's love, and acceptance in their hearts.

Are you a laborer?

Are you working for the Lord in the harvest He has prepared for you?  Are you working the land and planting the seed in the hearts of those around you?  God never said it would be easy, but He did promise to be there through it all.

 For the Glory of God,

"She Shall be Praised"

The Valentine's day hooplah is now coming to an end,
candy hearts and overstocked sweets are now marked down and greet you at your local grocery store like sad rejected misfits that weren't chosen to brighten someone's special day.

I am sure there are people that may feel the same way after this over the top day to celebrate love. Discounted and rejected because that special someone has not yet entered their life or they have loved and lost.  The desire for romantic love can choke out any happiness or joy in life if you allow it.  Being single doesn't have to equal sad, alone, and hopeless.

This has been a struggle for me, but I am learning to trust God each day.  God also has some wonderful advice for women on this very issue.We are to be wise and build up (Proverbs 14:1) we are to fear the Lord rather than be concerned with the favor and beauty of this world (Proverbs 31:30) Single women, care about the things of the Lord seeking to be holy in body and in spirit and serve the Lord without distraction (at least that is what we are supposed to do) (1Corinthians 7:34-35).

Wisdom~Women are to be wise, so where do we get wisdom?  We get wisdom from the Lord.  How do we get wisdom?  We get wisdom by fearing the Lord. According to Proverbs 9:10,  "The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom: and the knowledge of the holy is understanding."

Fear the Lord~How do we fear the Lord?  The Instistute in Basic Life Principles defines it this way, "To fear God is to desire to live in harmony with His righteous standards and to honor Him in all that you do." Easier said than done, right?  First it begins with the desire.  When we desire to live for God we will begin to put some action behind that desire and find out what His standards are and how we can honor Him.

Cares for the things of the Lord~When we fear God, we get wisdom and will begin to care for the things that matter most to God such as serving others and reaching them with the Good News of the gospel.

Holy in body and spirit~God is holy, and as we seek Him we will want to become like Him.  I think it is interesting to note that we will become holy in body and spirit.  Our body is from God and needs to reflect His glory just as much as our spirit.

Serve the Lord without distraction~According to the Word of God, single women can serve the Lord without distraction.  The distraction of a husband, I assume.  This is not to say marriage is inferior or wrong or singleness is a higher form of holiness.  Singleness just affords a specific opportunity to serve God (if one so chooses) that doesn't come with marriage.  The key is to actually take hold of it and serve God in your singleness.  Singleness is not a place to put your life on hold waiting around for the one that will sweep you off of your feet.  It will have moments of waiting, but ultimately you should be living your life to the full in accordance to God's will.  Distractions come in all shapes and sizes.  In today's technology-driven and fast-paced world, it is easy to get lost in all of the things that are constantly grabbing for our attention.  TV, computers, phones, social media, and that constant desire to be plugged in and not out of the loop. This makes serving the Lord without distraction that much harder.  It can be done, and God is there for us every step of the way.  We just need to seek Him and learn how to fear him.

For the Glory of God,

Identity Statements

Identity.  What is it?  Well, I checked out the tried and true Webster's 1828, and that really didn't help.  Something about sameness out of much diversity or something like that...  Anyways, I have been confronted with specific issues of accepting myself for who I am and learning who I am.  Sounds to me a lot like my identity.  Who am I?  What are my strengths? What are my weaknesses? What do I like to do to relax? What pushes my buttons? How do I express emotions? Why do I react the way I do?  These are tough questions, but in reality they need an answer.

In the past few months, particular circumstances have led me down a path of "personal" development (kind of like professional development, but different...haha).  I have been introduced to successful people that now teach others how to be successful.  I have looked at it through my heavily, guarded Christian worldview.  I am not into get rich quick schemes or my way of living.  As I listened and researched, I noticed that everything they were saying made sense.  Saying positive things to yourself outloud long enough, you start to believe them.  So all of the negative self-talk that we say in order to justify our 1behavior can be retrained by inserting the positive things.  

So on this Made to Crave journey. the best thing to know is not just my identity, but my identity in Christ.  When you team up with the Lord and know what His opinion of you is, nothing else matters.  He has some pretty awesome things to say about each one of us.

Personally, my list would begin like this:

Amanda~You are worthy of love (That's what "Amanda" means)~Matthew 6:25-26
God feeds the birds and dresses the flowers; are you not of more worth than these? (my paraphrase)

Amanda~You are loved. (Romans 5:8)

Amanda~You are fearfully and wonderfully made. (Psalm 139)

Amanda~You are a living sacrifice. (Romans 12:1-2)

Amanda~You are a princess or co-heir of the kingdom. (Romans 8:17)

Amanda~You are a new creature. (2 Corinthians 5:17)

Amanda~You are praised. (Proverbs 31:30)

Amanda~You have a purpose. (1Corinthians 10:31) Do what you do, eating or drinking, for the glory of God (my paraprase).

I ran across this post Who I am in Christ which lists many more identity statements in Christ.  I plan to print these statements and full verses and say them aloud every morning.  It sounds like one more thing to the "To Do" list, but from what I have heard it is worth it.  We can't be like Him, if we don't know Him.

For the Glory of God, 

The best way to renew your mind and experience inner transformation is by knowing, thinking, and speaking who you are in Christ.  

Choose Your Consequences Carefully

I have noticed some beliefs floating around about God that are FALSE.  The idea that God is a loving God, and everyone should love everyone and accept them for "who they are no matter what they have done or are doing."  This is completely untrue!  You must love the sinner, but NOT the sin.  Yes, God is Love, but God is also just.  Because God is love and just, He can't stand sin.  Sin has to be paid for.  Sin is a debt that each person owes, and it must be paid.  The payment is death. His judgement will pour over all mankind in the near future.

Another thing people don't seem to understand is sin.  Most people have a sense of right and wrong. There are a few that believe everyone is good in the world, which I find nearly laughable in light of the events of this world and the evil reported each night on the evening news.  As for the majority with a knowledge of right and wrong, they know wrong is sin.  Simply put, sin is anything you think, say or do that breaks God's laws.  Yes, we could get into a debate as to what God's laws were and justify ourself out of nearly anything.  

Using the Bible as the source and standard for truth, God's laws are clearly found within its sacred pages.  This definition clearly addresses three areas where we sin.  It begins in our thoughts and moves out toward our speech and how we say things on to action, where we willfully take action against God's laws.  All of this can happen within seconds.  Sin is sin.  There is no sin bigger or smaller than another.  Let me say that again, Sin is sin.  There is no sin BIGGER or smaller than another. Sin is equal; the consequences are different.  Did you catch that?  Sin is equal; the consequences are different.  

Telling a lie and extramarital sex/homosexuality are sins.  One is not better or worse than the other.  The consequences are different.  A lie could result in other sin or if confessed immediately, the consequence is minimal such as parental discipline or such.  Extramarital sex could have a variety of consequences such as parenthood, STDs, emotional damage, strained relationships, and more.  Homosexuality has similar consequences such as STDs, emotional issues, broken relationships, social issues, and more.

There are many other examples of sin and its varying consequences, but there is good news.  The sin payment was paid for us.  God, out of His amazing love (that is where love comes in), sent His only Son, Jesus to die on a cruel cross as our sin payment.  Death was the required payment, so God arranged for us a alternate.  Because Jesus died on the cross, we are now given the choice to identify with Christ's payment or take the payment ourselves and live in separation from God forever in Hell.  It is your choice.  God is waiting.  

Churches are not to condone sin.  Their role in ministry to sinners is to love and assist them in making the neccessary changes from sin and towards Christ.  God is love and just, and so must our churches.

Decisions 2013

I remembered making a list of decisions for 2012 last year at church and discovered my list recently.  My top 5 goals for last year were as follows:

1. Speak in love/Keep God first

2. Teach my students good character by example and skills secondarily

3. Intentionally exercise and eat right

4. Ride a gondola in Venice, Italy

5. Run a 10K or 5K.

We we encouraged to reexamine our list and filter it through John 5:30-"I can of mine own self do nothing: as  I hear, I judge: and my judgement is just; because I seek not mine own will, but the will of my Father which hath sent me."  My list remained relatively the same, and God showed His will.

I made great progress in my goals for 2012.  I fell in love with God's Word. God showed me some areas to work on in regards to my conversation.  I loved my kiddos and prayed for new harvests of kiddos.  God has given me an abundance.  I began within the last few months to purposefully eat healthy and exercise.  I did run a 5K, I got doused in colored corn starched and had a blast doing so.  That was the largest race with several thousand participants that I had ever run, but it was totally worth it.  I did ride a gondola in Venice, Italy and I believe God orchestrated the whole thing.  I  met two Canadian young men and my one regret was that I didn't share Jesus Christ with them face to face.  However, through the wonderful world of  technology, I did have a chance to share Christ with one of them at great length while he was still on his trip in Europe.  Therefore, I saw my desire to ride a gondola as a seed planting opportunity for God.

Now as I get settled into 2013, and see that God can bring me overseas to plant seeds for him, why can't I do the same in my own neighborhood?  There are opportunities surrounding us everyday.  We just have to GO.  God will give us the words, if we give Him ourselves with a willingness to serve Him.  My decisions for 2013 are similar to before, but they can be summarized in the word, GO.  God commands us to GO and make disciples.  I must GO and be a light to my kiddos, I must GO and speak the love of God to others, I must GO exercise.  It is just that simple.

Waiting to be Found...

This year has been interesting. It has had its moments of trials and frustrations as well as its moments of joy and gladness. I have observed through the course of this year several nuggets of truth:

• The real meaning of love


• The value of purity


• The importance of God's timing


• The blessed gift of singleness

I ran across this meaning of love in my prayer journal recently and I believe it is the truest definition for love the way God intended it to be.

Love (v) An act of the mind and the will that leads to the devoted care of something or someone. Emotion may or may NOT be involved.

Love is an action not a feeling or a buzz that one get's from being around that special someone. It is a conscious decision to care.

God opened up my eyes to the destruction of my generation's stand for purity. (It is in the local, Bible-believing churches.) True purity along with beauty have been diluted over time, and the world has been fed the watered down definitions or lies and it has destroyed many lives. I prize and protect my purity, but Satan still attacks through thoughts and other fiery darts.

God's timing is always perfect. There is no exception. He is the only one who knows what he is doing; we just have to be willing to listen and do what he wants when he wants us. I have learned the hard way that God's timing is always better than anything I could want no matter how long I wait.

Amidst it all, I found the amazing gift of singleness. Singleness to me is the flexibility to be totally available for whatever God may send your way or even send you to do. It is this freedom to be sold out for him and not have to answer back to anyone for the time being.

These are just a few things that God has shared with me this year. As I now embrace this season of singleness in my life, I will continue to reflect on love, purity, and share my experiences as I wait to be found in God's timing.